Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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