I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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