it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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