i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
