rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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