Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
