He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
