no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
