Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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