I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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