Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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