I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
