Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
