He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
