and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize