everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
