did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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