I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
