she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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