not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
