I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
