I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
