oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
