that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
