overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
