If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
