I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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