it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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