im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
