When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize