whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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