i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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