people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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