You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize