I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
