wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
