he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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