He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
