im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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