i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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