Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
