there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize