my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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