thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
