Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
