I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
