i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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