so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize