In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
