tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
