Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
