wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Someone signed my nipple.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
