Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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