I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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