you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
