And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
