youre lurking in front of me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
