He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize