did you get engaged???
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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