someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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