we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize