he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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