i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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