i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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