69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
