she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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