Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
