can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
