Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
