I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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