if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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