I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize