My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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