u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
