there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
