How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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