i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
