have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
where are my eyebrows?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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