You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
