I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
