I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
