Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
