is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
