Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
