That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize