whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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