Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize