1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
