Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
