If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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