Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
