On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love accidental penises.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
