I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
