ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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