dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
