Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
