Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize