Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The best revenge is premature balding
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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