No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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