That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
